Who Stole Taisa's Pants?

Who Stole Taisa’s Pants?

The discovery was made in the publich baths, in the part where only men were allowed to come. Colonel Roy Mustang, the arrogant, goodlooking and fearsome Flame Alchemist of the military, had left his clothes on the bench, neatly folded, with his underwear on top of it. Colonel Roy Mustang was proud on his underwear. There were different kinds of underwear, but his was special. There were only eight of those pants in the whole universe and they all belonged to him. They were his personal pants, each of them in a frisk icy blue with his image and name on it. They were his artefacts, his life, his status. And now one was gone.

All the men under his command had to look for it. Wet and dressed in nothing more but a towel – the ladies nearly fainted at the thought alone – the soldiers started grumbling with their search to the Colonel’s pants. Mustang himself stood guard at the rest of his clothes, scowling and worrying privately about the safety of his precious garment.

The result was negative – Mustang’s underwear was not in the men’s changing room. A misplaced joke by Havoc nearly caused a military invasion in the ladies’ part of the building, but Hawkeye – scantily dressed in a lose shirt and a towel – managed to prevent that.

Chagrined about the loss of his pants, Mustang dressed himself. His trousers felt distinctively uncomfortable and he felt positively naked. The others snickered, although they were smart enough to do it quietly. The Flame Alchemist’s glare and gloves ensured that.

The questioning and inspection began when they were all back in the office. If his pants weren’t lost, someone must have stolen them. That had been Roy’s dark conclusion and he sternly inquired to everyone’s alibi – including those of the ladies. Everyone had a solid alibi, however, and also the inspection turned out to be fruitless. He got to see everybody’s underwear – including Armstrong’s white boxershorts, imprinted with red hearts and Hawkeye’s sexy and delicate string – and he had to conclude that no one had his precious pants.

On top of all the events, Edward Elric, also known as the Fullmetal Alchemist, came in to give his report of his completed mission. The small boy looked smug and quite pleased with himself. Another possibility began to dawn on him.

“Fullmetal, could I have a look at your underwear?” Mustang interrupted the golden-haired boy.

Ed blinked surprised. “Eh?”

Mustang repeated his demand.

“But, Taisa, that’s hardly proper, you know,” Edward protested, suddenly all nervous. “What do all these people have to think about that? Besides, they’re not that fascinating. Why should you want to see them?”

“BECAUSE SOMEONE STOLE MY SPECIAL PANTS!!!”

A stunned, uncomfortable silence filled the room. Mustang gazed steadily at the blushing Alchemist. “Show me your underwear, Edward,” he ordered in a deadly quiet voice.

The blush deepened. Then, almost against his will, Ed lifted his shirt and took hold of it with his teeth. With his free hands, he began to unfasten the heavy belt and pushed back the loose ends to reveal his underwear.

Mustang’s Special Personal Pants became visible.

“Take off the pants and give them back to me.”
Ed’s face turned even redder, but he did as was commanded. Before he could slip back into the decency of his clothes, Mustang took hold of his arm.

“I could make another one, just for you. Then you can wear my special underwear whenever you want.” He watched with amusement how Ed began to glow and the boy stammered something unintelligible. “I already thought so.” Roy smirked, gave him a teasing kiss and let him go.

Ed did not know how to get away from the office as fast as possible.